Nurses Pick Up Lines

“Can you guess what thing has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?”

“Did you have Anatomy classes when you were still a nursing student?”

“Do you like kids?”

“Excuse me, nurse! Do you know how can I be an organ donor?”

“Great! I have a daughter who needs a mom.”

“Great! I’d like to give my heart to you.”

“Great! Would you like to study Human Anatomy furthermore, with me, in my room?”

“Have we met before? You look familiar.”

“Have you heard what my heart is saying?”

“I felt it move! I thought it will never be alive after a decade of peace!”

“I swear we were in the same class before. We had Chemistry.”

“I will wholeheartedly give my hands to you forever, my love.”

“Is having sex contraindicated to my condition?”

“Just in time! The nurse from the previous shift took my breath away.”

“Look, I’m dying here! I need a life! Please lower your standards and go out with me if you want me to survive.”

“My zipper. Are you ready for it?”

“No, I’m a newly floated nurse on this floor.”

“Please give me your hand.”

“So how many times did it say your name?”

“There’s a high chance.”“Then I would be glad to die in bed with you.”

“Will I die if I do it?”

“You are too young! But if you really like to, you should talk first with your parents.”

Am I dead? Surely I must be because I see an angel!

Are doing valsalva maneuver on me? Because you just made my heart stop beating for a while.

Are you a cardiac nurse, but I need someone to take care of my heart.

Are you a nurse? Because you cured my erectile disfunction.

Are you a pulmonary embolism? ‘Cause I can’t breathe when I’m around you.

Are you Broca’s Aphasia? Because you leave me speechless.

Are You Lost, Ma’am? Because Heaven Is A Long Way From Here.

Are you my appendix? Because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me to take you out.

As someone as good as you at listening to hearts, you certainly aren’t listening to yours to go out with me.

Baby you’re so sweet you’re gonna put me in DKA!

Baby, you make me vasodilate!

Blood is red, cyanosis is blue, I get tachycardia when I think of you.

Can I take your temperature? Because you’re looking hot today.

Can you be my proximal because I don’t want to be distal to you.

Can you check my heartbeat? I think it’s beating too fast because of you.

Can you show me how to do mouth-to-mouth, on me?

Come into my office and take off your pants.

Did You Damage My Cerebellum? Because I’m Falling All Over The Place For You.

Did You Hear That? Even My Heart Murmurs, “I Love You!”

Do you believe in love at first site, or do I have to walk by again?

Do You Have A Band-Aid? I Think I Scraped My Knee Falling For You.

Do you have an inhaler? You took my breath away.

Do you have my other lung? Because I’ve been LUNG-ing for you.

Does this rag smell like chloroform?

Does your left eye hurt? Because you’ve been looking right all day.

Emphysema puffs pink, chronic bronchitis makes you blue, but no COPD makes me as breathless as you.

EMTs come when people go down

Erythrocytes are red, cyanosis is blue. I get tachycardia when I think of you.

Ever slept with an EMT? Want to?

Excuse me, I think you dropped something: My jaw.

Fire Fighters play with their hoses, I bring the bed.

He caught me off guard, my face turned red!

Hey baby, wanna play with my corpus cavernosum?

Hey, are you a conditioned stimulus? Because you’re making me drool.

I am ADHD and you are my Ritalin, because you make me want to behave and have my attention on you.

I am an organ donor, need a heart?

I am developing astigmatism. But when I’m with you I can see clearer.

I am hemophilic for you, because you paint my town red!

I am manic-depressive on you. I calm down and cheer up when I’m with you.

I can do rapid clothing removal so fast that you’d be amazed.

I can’t wait to come to your office and take down my pants

I don’t feel off anymore every time I see you because you turn me right on

I don’t know if I want to get better if it means never seeing you again

I don’t think I’m fine, my heart just skipped a beat because of you

I Don’t Want An Apple A Day Because I Don’t Want You To Go Away.

I don’t think I’m fine, my heart just skipped a beat because of you.

I hope you passed CPR because you’re taking my breath away.

I love the way you make me vasodilate.

I might need life alert, because I’ve fallen in love with you and can’t get up.

I need an inhaler because you just took my breath away

I need medical attention! I hurt myself pretty bad falling for you.

I think I need some Vitamin ‘U’!

I think I’m developing tics. I just can’t help but wink at you.

I think my vestibulocochlear nerve is damage, I keep falling for you.

I think you are suffering from a lack of Vitamin Me.

I think you should sleep with me tonight just to keep me safe

I think you should take the temperature instead of me, because you’re looking very hot

I wish I were your coronary artery, so I can be wrapped around your heart.

I’m a little low on oxygen because you just took my breath away

I’m not an organ donor but I’d give you my heart anytime

I’d love to do a 12 lead on you.

I’ll shock the socks off you.

I’m a medic, I know your body better then you do!

I’m an expert in mouth-to-mouth.

I’m diagnosing you to see if you’d make a good boyfriend.

I’m familiar with Latex and restraints

I’m no organ donor, but I’d happy to give you my heart.

If only I could fly, I would flight my ideas for you.

If you were a laser, you’d be set on “electrifying”.

Is It Just My Olfactory, Or Do You Just Really Smell Good.

Is that a stethoscope around your neck, because I think my heart just skipped a beat.

Is your name Flecainide? Because I think you just made my heart skip a beat.

Is your name Osteoporosis? Because you’re giving me a serious bone condition.

It’s so nice that you smell so good in a place so depressing

It’s better for you if I switch nurses, because it’s not moral to date me while I’m still your patient.

Look ! I’m dying here. If you want me to survive, please go out with me.

My body is in a RAAS every time I see you. (Renin-Angiotensin-Aldosterone System)

My love for you burns stronger than my urinary tract infection.

My love for you is like diarrhea. I can’t hold it in.

My sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia tells me I love you.

No that’s not an epi-pen in my pants, I’m just happy to see you.

Nurse: Of course I do.

Nurse: Please give me your hand.

Nurse: Yes, counted it.

Nurse: Yes, you can!

Oh! Look, a beautiful Angel. I never knew that I would be in heaven soon.

On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?

Patient: Can I donate my organ?

Patient: Do you like kids?

Patient: Great! I have a daughter who needs a Mom.

Patient: Have you heard what my heart was saying?

Patient: I will wholeheartedly give my hands to you forever, my love.

Patient: So, how many times did it say your name?

Please Don’t Be Too Sweet. I Might Get Diabetes!

Sorry if I’m such an obsessive-compulsive, but I love the way I repeatedly tell you, “I love you! I love you! I love you!”

Stop being so sweet! I might get diabetes!

They don’t call me Bones because I’m a doctor.

Wanna feel safe tonight? Sleep with an EMT.

We should get some coffee… Because I’m liking you a latte.

Whenever I’m near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration because you take my breath away.

You are my iodine, lithium, potassium, einsteinium and uranium. Because “I LiKE U”.

You breathe oxygen? We have so much in common.

You Get My Heart Racing Like An Epinephrine Drip.

You give me premature ventricular contractions.

You know, I’ve been highly trained to stick things into people…

You look familiar. Did we have class together? I could have sworn we had chemistry.

You make my dopamine levels all silly.

You must be the cure for Alzheimer’s, because you’re unforgettable.

You Take Care Of Me So Well; I’m Sure You Will Be A Good Mom To Our Kids.

You’re burning me because you’re too hot!

You’re in the wrong profession. You shouldn’t be a nurse. You should be my husband.

You’re like a car accident, I just can’t look away.

You’ve got beautiful veins.

Your bus or mine?

Your calves must be aching. Because you’ve been back-marching through my mind all day.

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