Insulting Pick Up Lines

 Are you poop? Because even when you’re far away, I can smell you.

(Grab her ass) Sorry, is this seat taken? Oh, sorry, I thought you were a hovercraft!

Are those butterflies in my stomach? Oh wait you’re just making me sick.

Are you a fire alarm? Because you are really loud and annoying!

Are you a human? Just making sure.

Are you a mosquito? Because you’re so annoying!

Are you a motorcycle? Because I’d like to ride you all day, and then sell you for a newer model.

Are you a snack? Because everyone eats you for fun.

Are you a tumor? Because you grow on me fast. I want to take you out now or die trying.

Are you an alarm clock? Because I want to kill you.

Are you constipated? Because you are so full of sh*t!

Are you free tonight, or are you going to cost me?

Are you ice cream? Because your face looks like rocky road.

Are you Jamaican? Cuz Jamaican me vomit!

Are you Netflix? because i think you’re a complete waste of time and you get me bored and I’m done!

Are you the future? Because you’re looking hopeless and bleak.

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 149.6 million kilometers away from me.

Are your parents retarded, ’cause you sure are special.

Babe, you smell like shit, sorry!

Come with me if you want to live!

Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because you obviously landed on your face.

Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.

Did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan.

Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!

Did you just fart? Because you blew me away!

Did you know that a pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes? I bet I can make yours last longer than

Do you have a mirror in your pocket, coz I can see myself in your pants!

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because your pants are big enough to fit one.

Do you like to dance? Well then, could you go and dance so I can talk to your friend?

Do you live on a chicken farm? [No] You sure know how to raise cocks.

Do you wanna come dance with the big bad wolf? [ No! ] Its okay, the other two pigs said no too!

don’t do any running.

ever seen on a wookiee.

Excuse me, do you have sex when you first meet somebody? [No.] Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.

Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?

Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn’t hear me…. I said u look really fat in those pants!

For a fatty, you don’t seem to sweat much.

Fuck me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you extremely fugly?

Get on your knees and smile like a doughnut!

Girl, are you a man or a woman? Cuz you got me in a trance

God must of been angry at your parents when he made you.

Hello? Oh, your body was calling me from across the room.

Hey baby, I like that dress, but I’d like it better if it were on a prettier girl.

Hey, how much?

Hey, you dropped something. My standards.

Hi, wanna f**k? [No] Mind lying down while I do?

Honestly, I’m into necrophilia. Wanna come home and play dead?

How about me and you go play dress up, I’ll be the knight in shining armor and you can be my noble steed, that way I get to ride you all day!

How do you like your eggs in the morning: scrambled, fried, or fertilized?

How many expensive seafood dinners would it take for you to be my personal bedroom acrobat for many years to come?

How much does a polar bear weigh? Less than you, I would guess.

How much will $20 get me?

I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.

I dreamt about you. You died.

I had your sister last year, she sucked. Wanna defend your family honor?

I just pooped in my bed. Can I sleep in yours?

I just wanna let you know how beautiful you are and was wondering if you could buy me a drink?

I know you think I’m sexy, I know you think I’m fine, but just like all the other guys get a number and wait in line.

I know you’re very busy but I hope you have time to fit me into your body.

I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.

I think I’ve fallen in puppy love. Oh, I thought you were a dog, nevermind.

I threw you out of bed, just so that we can proceed on the floor…

I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?

I would ask you if you’re tired from running through my mind all day, but from the looks of it, you

I’m drunk and you’re still ugly.

I’m sorry, but I just had to come over here and tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve

I’m willing to lower my standards if you’re going on a date with me.

If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would P on U.

If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you’re buying me drinks until you do.

If you were a car door, I would slam you all night!

If you were a pair of boots you would be Ugg-ly.

If you were even half as gorgeous as me, I’d consider sleeping with you.

Is that a discharge in your underwear, or are you just happy to see me?

Is your mom a hooker? Cause I’m hooked on you.

Let’s face it. I’m hot, you’re hot and we both know you got a crush on me.

Let’s play the Pinocchio game. You sit on my face, and I’ll tell you a lie.

My feelings of love for you are like the stars in the sky. They’re probably long dead.

My love for you is like cancer, it just keeps growing and growing.

My love for you is like diarrhea. I just can’t hold it in.

My mom told me it would be good for my self-esteem if I asked out people who aren’t conventionally attractive.

Roses are red, violets are black, why is your chest as flat as my back?

Roses are red, violets are blue. I have a gun, get in the van!

Santa’s lap isn’t the only place wishes come true.

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?

Sit on my face and I’ll guess your weight.

So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?

There will only be 7 planets after I destroy Uranus.

There’s something wrong with my cell phone… it doesn’t have your number in it. No wait, here it

They all say I’m a pussy. But then again, we are what we eat.

Wanna go on an ate with me? I’ll give you the D later.

Wanna play midget boxing? You get down on your knees and give me couple blows!

Wanna sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up? Like my bile?

Were you in the Boy Scouts? Because you tied my heart in a knot. Also, you look like a boy.

What’s a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?

Whip it out and show me what you got, so I can save the disappointment from later.

Wow, you have the chin of Superman. I bet you could take a serious punch.

You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

You are so sweet, it made your teeth rot.

You don’t sweat much for a fat chick.

You have the perfect face for the radio.

You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!

You look a lot like my next victim.

You look fabulous… for your age.

You look like trash, may I take you out?

You may not be Jesus, but I’d still nail the heck out of you.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.

You owe me a drink, you’re so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.

You remind me of my brother/sister.

You smell just like my mom, want to grab a drink?

You smell like trash, may I take you out?

You smell… We should go take a shower together.

You’re like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

You’re just how I like my coffee – bitter and diarrhea inducing.

You’re the thot that counts!

Your beauty is directly proportional to the distance between us.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Your daddy must have been a thief, because he stole your beauty and gave it to that girl over there.

Your daddy must’ve been a baker, cuz you’ve got some hot buns! Also, you smell like yeast.

Your daddy must’ve been a pirate, cuz he had some great booty. Too bad you’re a hideous sea

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

Your eyes are as blue as the sea I dumped my ex’s body in.

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.