Dirty Funny Pick Up Lines

“Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged”

“Did you fart because you blew me away”

“Do you know karate because your body is kicking”

“Do you know what would look good on you? Me”

“Hi, I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus”

“I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?”

“If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head”

“If you don’t want to have kids with me, then why don’t we just practice”

“Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.”

“The word of the day is legs. Let’s go back to your place and spread the word”

“They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?”

“Were you arrested earlier? It’s gotta be illegal to look that good”

“You’ve been a bad girl. Go to my room”

“Your body is a wonderland, and I want to be Alice”

Are you a blanket? cos I love it when you’re on top of me.

Are you a campfire? Because you’re hot and I want s’more.

Are you a doctor? Because you just cured my erectile dysfunction.

Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.

Are you a light switch? Because you really turn me on.

Are you a mask? Because I want you on my face.

Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of semen waiting for you.

Are you a poster? Because I want to pin you on a wall

Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin my dick.

Are you a shark? Because I’ve got some swimmers for you to swallow.

Are you a thief? Cause I want you to steal my virginity tonight!

Are you a woodchuck? Because I can see your wood.

Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a large bone for you to examine.

Are you an elevator? Because I’ll go up and down on you.

Are you butt dialing? Because I swear that a** is calling me.

Are you my homework? Because I’m not doing you, but I definitely should be.

Are you the last air bender? ’cause I’d definitely like you bending for me.

Are you tired? Want to change that?

As long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.

Aside from being extremely sexy, what else do you do for a living?

Baby, are you a lion? Because I can see you lion in my bed tonight.

Call me leaves, cause you should be blowing me.

Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I’ll give it back.

Can I read your T-shirt in Braille?

Can you do telekinesis? Because you’ve made a part of me move without even touching it.

Can you tell me what time you’ll come back to my place, please?

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged

Did you fart because you blew me away

Dinner first, or can we go straight for dessert?

Do I have to sign for your package?

Do I know you from somewhere? Because I don’t recognize you with your clothes on

Do you believe in evolution? Cause my homo is erectus.

Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

Do you drink soda? Because you look so-da-licious.

Do you have a shovel? Because I’m digging you.

Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?

Do you know karate because your body is kickin

Do you know what would look good on you? Me

Do you like to draw? Because I put the D in Raw.

Do you like whales? Because we can go hump back at my place.

Do you run track? Because I heard you Relay want this dick.

Do you want to commit a sin for your next confessional?

Don’t tell me what to do unless your naked.brary book. Because I want to check you out.

Girl, I’m jealous of your heart. ‘Cause it’s pumping inside you and I’m not.

Guy pulls out a quarter”if i flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?”

Hey baby, let’s play house, you can be the door and I’ll slam you all night long!

Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on

Hi, I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus

Hold on, you’ve got something on your ass. . .my eyes.

How do you want your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?

I am putting you on my to-do list.

I can tell you’re into yoga, why don’t you spend a little time showing me just how flexible you are?

I don’t think I want babies, but I wouldn’t mind refining my baby-making technique with you.

I find your lack of nudity disturbing.

I have 206 bones in my body. Want to give me another one?

I licked it. So It’s mine. 😉

I lost my keys… Can I check your pants?

I love my bed but I’d rather be in yours.

I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?

I might not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you!

I must be a beaver because I’m dying for your wood.

I promise I’m not like what you’re used to.

I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let’s just f**k.

I was feeling very off today, but then you turned me on.

I was told I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Could you help me?

I wish I was your phone, so you’d be on me all day.

I would tell you a joke about my penis, but it’s too long.

I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.

I’d love to see you wearing your birthday suit.

I’ll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

I’ll treat you like my homework: Slam you on the table and do you all night long!

I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?

I’m a mind reader and yes I will sleep with you.

I’m an adventurer and I want to explore you.

I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so you might as well be there.

I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get!

I’m not a dentist, but I bet I could give you a filling.

I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect a few more inches tonight.

I’m not feeling myself today. Can I feel you instead?

I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.

I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?

I’m not usually into hunting but I’d love to catch you and mount you all over my house.

I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?

I’m peanut butter. You’re jelly. Let’s have sex.

I’ve heard the population is on the slide, why don’t we do something about that tonight?

I’ve recently qualified as a gynecologist and I’d like to offer you my pro-boner services.

I`m no weatherman, but you can expect a few inches tonight.

If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head

If I were an enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.

If it’s true that we are Was your dad a baker? Because you’ve got a nice set of buns.

If you don’t want to have kids with me, then why don’t we just practice

If you were a flower, you’d be a damn-delion.

If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?

If you’re feeling down, I can feel you up.

If your left leg was Christmas and your right was Thanksgiving, could I visit between the holidays?

Is it hot in here? Or is it just you.

Is there a cellphone in your backpocket? Cause that ass is calling me!

Is you body a map? because I love to travel.

Is your a** a li. I’m afraid of the dark. Could you sleep with me tonight?

Is your last name s*icide? because I want to commit to you.

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.

It must be Christmas because I can’t wait to unwrap your package.

Just checked my battery life, it’s at 69%.

Just to be clear, we’re both heading for the same bed tonight, right?

Let me guess your favorite position: anything that involves my balls bouncing against your ass.

Let’s both be naughty together and save Santa a trip.

Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.

Let’s play Titanic. You’ll be the iceberg and I’ll go down.

Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, “Fuck it”.

My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?

My doctor told me I have a vitamin D deficiency. Want to go back to my place and save me?

My magic watch says you’re not wearing any underwear. Oh you are? It must be 15 minutes fast.

Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?

One of my friends told me girls hate oral, do you wanna help me prove him wrong?

Please don’t let this get to your head, but do you want some?

Remember my name, because you’ll be screaming it later.

Roses are red. Violets are fine. You be the six. I’ll be the nine.

Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let’s begin.

Sit on my lap and tell me the first thing that pops up

Sleeping alone is a waste of my sexual talent.

Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.

Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.

That dress looks really good on you but, it would look better on my bedroom floor.

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed

That sweater looks amazing on you. I bet I would too!

That’s a nice shirt. Can I try it on after we have sex?

That’s a nice smile. It’ll look better if it was all you were wearing!

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you

The word of the day is legs. Let’s go back to your place and spread the word

There are 8 planets in the universe, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus.

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

Those look like quality pants; do you mind if I take them off?

Treat me like a pirate and give me that booty.

Wanna go halfsies on a baby?

Wanna play “kite”? I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.

Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

Want to see if you can add “has an awesome gag reflex” to your resume?

We were both born without clothes.

Were you arrested earlier? It’s gotta be illegal to look that good

What did you say your name was? I want to make sure I’m screaming the right name tonight.

What is a nice person like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?

When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?

Why pay for a bra when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?

Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under

You are just like a snowflake: beautiful, unique and with one touch, you’ll be wet.

You are worth every sin.

You have eyes like spanners. When I look in to them, my nuts tighten.

You know what winks and then screws like a tiger? (Wink)

You know why they call me the cat whisperer? Cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.

You look like an extremely hard worker and I have an opening that you can fill.

You Say: I’m jealous of your dress. She says “Why?” You say: Because it’s touching your body, and I’m not.

You’re like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast

You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear

You’re the first thing I’m going to do after this lockdown.

You’ve been a bad girl. Go to my room

Your ass is so tight I want to crack my nuts on it.

Your body is a wonderland, and I want to be Alice

Your body is made up of 70% water. . .and I’m thirsty.

Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.

Your Daddy must have been a baker, cause you got the nicest set of buns I’ve ever seen

Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis

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